Ends and Beginnings
I’m back in DC because my friend’s engagement just ended. There were some red flags so it wasn’t a complete surprise, but it was a shock. His fiancé abruptly ended the engagement over a phone call, announcing to his parents before him, on their anniversary no less, that she wouldn’t be marrying him. That happened barely a week ago. My friend was devastated and so were his parents. He is Sri Lankan and his soon-to-be marriage was partially arranged by his parents, so his family was as heavily invested in the relationship as he was. It’s been a week of heartbreak, but I see a better future on the horizon. Life is a near-endless cycle of ends and beginnings.
Sometimes when something is great, we never want it to end. Recently I’ve overheard many debating whether or not we should live forever. The conversation is salient because the technology allowing us to become amortal, not dying by default, is approaching reality. Perhaps ending may soon become more optional than mandatory, but for now, ending remains the inevitable conclusion of the path that starts with beginning. When something ends before it ought to or is expected to, or sometimes before it really even begins in earnest, we call that tragedy. My friend’s marriage ended before it started. What happened to my friend this past week was tragic. But already, the future is looking up. Ends are tragic but also opportunities.
A forest fire clears a forest and then a new one grows. Similarly, my friend’s newfound singleness, painful as it may be, is an opportunity. We all sensed right away that the ending of the engagement was a blessing in disguise. My friend himself said he felt a weight was lifted off of him. Everybody needs to work to make a relationship work, but he should not have had to work as hard as he was working. He wanted it to, but the glove just didn’t fit. Since I arrived in DC, the energy of ending has been palpable. But the flowers are also just starting to bloom.
It’s properly winter here on the east coast. It’s cold and dreary. Everything looks gray and living trees look dead. I walked around the National Cathedral with my girlfriend today, and she pointed out flowers just starting to blossom. For a moment I was in disbelief as it was way too early for flowers to bloom, but as usual, she was right. Tiny pink and purple flower buds were beginning to blossom. The imagery couldn’t have been more perfect given how the week has gone.
I arrived on Thursday and have seen my friend every day since I arrived. He’s doing better now. He has been surrounded by friends bombarding him with love and support. Some would consider it too early, but it already looks like he has a few dates lined up via both his parents and a snazzy new Hinge profile we helped him make. I generally don’t read too much into such early signals on dating apps, but given the relatively small pool of people he’s targeting I am really quite optimistic about his early traction. I have a feeling he’ll find a new person relatively soon, and be much happier in his next relationship. This end seems especially teed up for a new beginning.
I myself have had some ends and beginnings recently. They roughly correspond to what feel like ups and downs. Energetically, I don’t think the new beginnings would have happened if the ends hadn’t preceded them. When we are saddled with what isn’t right we don’t have the space for what is. Ends hurt, but embrace them for new beginnings.
