Living life at the cusp of death and tragedy or success and transformation, I find myself stepping back to source’s gifts with gratitude and ease. The last week was a rollercoaster filled with highs and lows. The lows are testing lows and the highs have been merely relative but tangible nonetheless. It’s amazing how much infinitely more one who has been starving appreciates a bite. The good vibes and dusty romance of the palm desert sits on the sunny side of this valley in my life as I take the weekend to listen to music and make merriment with friends at this nth, I’ve lost count, Coachella. I almost didn’t go this year.
The truth is I just barely made it out this year. I bought a couple tickets a couple months ago with no plans and no crew. It turns out I still had, if just for this one time, the means to host the most epic house yet. I grew from follower, having had a few friends take me to my first Coachella at the ripe for festival age of 25 as I lacked the means and knowhow to attend earlier, to leader shepherding many through for their first time. With close to no certainty in my life beyond this weekend, I am thankful for a brief departure that brings merriment into focus to no end beyond itself.
Our group is small this year, but loyal. Once more I am in a position to take care of others. I hope I will continue to be, and in a much bigger way in the future. But I am still holding that I soon may not be in a position to help anyone much at all. I may instead be asking for help from those who can best give it in substantial ways. The lighthearted joke in the run up to this weekend was that it would either be a funeral or a celebration for various entities in my life.
That joke turned dark when I found out someone in my close extended network is gravely ill and very much fighting for their life. The concept of survival suddenly ballooned to encompass a human life. It’s a solemn reminder that the game of stakes is to raise. However dire the situation, it can escalate. In life, we are always somewhere between life and death. As we bring to attention our closeness to death, we mustn’t forget to measure our closeness to life. Next week could be a tragedy.
Or, it could bring great relief. All the tears are on the table from joy to sadness. I simply don’t know what tomorrow brings, but I know I can do my very best to enjoy today. I thought that would be hard, but in truth it hasn’t been so bad. I’m doing and have done all the work I can do to try to create the best outcomes. There are parts of life that I simply cannot control, life the health of a mother in an ICU. We can hope and pray, we do and we must. But fate extends beyond us.
I take to the sun today with a gentler yet more lucid appreciation for the earnest enjoyments. There is no question; I love music festivals. Even since my first Coachella and I have been to dozens more festivals and for long as I have the fortune, health, and time to keep going, I will. Today, I toast for good libations. I wish for safety, happiness, and enjoyment with the utmost gratitude for what we have in this moment. For now, we need think no further.